The Life I Live: Part 1

Welcome to my Life

My name is Lyssa, an unusual name I know. I am 23 years old, a recent post graduate from Nursing School, working for the Government as a Registered Nurse. Optimal Life right? For the last five years, I have struggled with relationships, with exams, classes, and finances. I figured I would give a little two part synopsis of my life, before I start this blog.


I am engaged, to my high school sweetheart, my friend, my everything. We got engaged, June 10th, 2010. It seems forever ago, but let me back up. Let me tell you the whole story: the romance, the ugliness, the heart break, and of course the love. I first time I remember Christian was when I was a 7th grader (he swears he knew me before this). I first met him during confirmation class, lets remember I was a 7th grader. I was the typical middle schooler: big gapped tooth smile and glassess with long frizzy brown hair. That's where the romance begins. I fell in love with his braces, his glasses, his baby blue eyes. He was the epitome of a boy I wanted. And, luckily he felt the same.


We dated on and off throughout middle school and high school. We would talk for hours endlesly, never running out of things to talk about. He told me about his past, about living in Baltimore, I told him all my secrets. We knew everything about each other from our favorite colors to our favorite foods. We just could not get enough of each other, and I always felt like I never wanted to end our conversations. I remember our first kiss, we were sitting in my car in the middle of December. The car was cold, you could see our breath in the air, the anticipation of wanting that kiss was there. He told me he loved me, and he leaned in and kissed my lips. So, gentle but so sweet. I knew ironically that he was the one.

Fall of 2004, his Senior of College our relationship was taking a turn for the worst over a dramatic fight that we had. One afternoon, he had called me after school and told me he wanted to end the fight and he wanted to just be with me. I said no, and told him I never wanted anything to do with him. Before in the middle of the week, my parent's house was toilet papered (normal for homecoming week), but someone wrote on my driveway in chocolate syrup "Bitch". My dad, was outside spraying it off with the hose, but I knew what it said, and I just thought he had done it. After I hung-up Christian was driving home from football practice back to his parents house where he was driving to fast, overcorrected and flipped his car through the air landing in a ridge on the opposite side of the road. I had finally heard of his accident, while I was out "toilet papering" during Homecoming Week. I recieved a phone call from one of his friends, stating

"Chris is in the hospital, he had a bad car accident"

I dismissed this, thinking this must just be a ploy, he wants me to go visit him. And, I was not going to do that. I was not going to give in, I had my doubts but dismissed them. The next day, In my spanish class I realized he wasn't there. I automatically had a panic attack. I retreated to the bathroom, and sat in a stall trying to call/text him. But, got no answer. I then heard some girls come in talking about him and his accident, and then mention me saying how it was my fault. I started to cry, but muffled my tears waiting for them to leave, leaving me late to next period. Right after school, I drove as fast as I could to his parent's house. I found him there, blood caked to his hair, staples in his head, his whole left arm bandaged. I broke down crying, I saw his car-totalled. I blamed myself, I blamed myself that I almost killed him. We stayed together but we ended things for good the summer before my senior of high school.

We both dated other people, but still stayed friends. I enrolled in college and he worked at a factory close to our home town. We talked occasionally, and I compared every relationship I have ever been with, to him. No one seemed to match up to "Christian". It was like I placed him on a pedestal, and no other relationship could be him. During Holiday vacation from school, I remember visiting him. He had lost, I swear 1/2 of his body weight. Was not the buff, muscular man I remember, but sitting in front of me was this skinny man with earrings. I thought to myself who is this? But, when I started to talk to him, he was still there. I wanted so much for him to kiss me, the attraction was still there, I wanted him. He didn't make a move, so I went back home and thought I ruined my life. I lost the man I loved.


I remember how he first told me, I was home from College for thanksgiving. He was at his parent's house, I went to visit because he had something important to tell me. It was snowing, I drove up and he came out of the house. He looked at me, he looked like he had when we were in high school, his hair was different. I looked again, and his hair was shaved on the sides, short on the top. It was in deed a military haircut. A tear went down my cheek, and this is when reality hit me. He joined the military. The love of my life joined the army. He took my face in his hands, and he kissed me. A strong kiss. A kiss that meant he was sorry for not telling me, a kiss that meant he was sorry for leaving me. We parted ways, he left for Fort Polk, Louisianna. And, even though there were obvious feelings between the both of us, we decided long distance wasn't the road that either of us wanted to take. So we decided to stay in touch and stay friends (heard that one before right?) Later, he told me a story.

"When I first visited him during my holiday vacation, he said the look in my eyes when I saw him, dug deep inside him. He said he felt ashamed. Like he could never be good enough for me, If he continued his life. He thought of his future, and thought about me. And, made the decision that many individuals take. He took a leap and joined the army to change his life, so that he could have a chance with me."

We talked here and there, but things didnt start again till I ended a horrible relationship, and wasn't able to talk to anyone but him. He was the only one that knew me, besides my little sister. He knew everything about my past, my dreams, and my hopes. I didn't know who else to go for, for comfort and support. He was my rock, he always had been. We continued talking, almost everyday that whole month of September, reconnecting, learning more and more things about each other that we had missed over the last two and a half years. One night he said to me:

"I dont want to live without you in my life
anymore. I still love you, and I will always love you"

We started talking every day, he wanted to know everything that had happened to me throughout college (it was a long catch up). He came home that Christmas 2009. I finally had to tell my parents. I remember when I first told me dad, the man that I look up to and strive to be, that we where dating again. We were shoveling our neighboors driveway when I mentioned it, he looked up at me with angry eyes and threw his shovel and walked away. I just stood there crying not knowing what to do, if I should follow my heart, or listen to my mentor. Both of my parents, treated Christian like a criminal, not wanting to see him or believe that he was a part of my life. My sister, Bethany was a little more understanding and grew to love him over the holidays. That Christmas must have been hard for him, he was rejected by my parents. I did everything in my power to stop these actions but I could not. We instead grew our relationship and I fell more in love with him (if that is even possible).

I convinced my best friend, Natalya to road trip with me down south, and we of course had to make a stop at Fort Polk, Louisianna. I spent two days with him, just me and him, and occasionally my best friend, but she did her best to give us space. It made me realize that I had missed him so much (and it was only 3 months) since I had last seen him during Christmas. I left him, with an ache in my heart, but only to count down the days that he would be back in June. The price you pay, when you love someone in the Military.




June 2010: One of my most favorite times in history. Chris flew in on the June 1st. He was allowed leave from the 1st through the 11th of June. I had worked it out with my internship that I would start the second week of his leave instead of the first so I could have more time with him. We spent every day together this first week, from hiking to swimming, to attending my friend from college's wedding. The second week I was working 8-430, Now this doesnt seem too bad, but i work an hour from my home. So by the time I was getting to Christian's house was 530-6 depending on traffic (yes we have traffic in wisconsin) . The last night he was home--June 10th, I was on my way to his house, I had thrown a straightner, makeup bag, and a dress in my car to change into when I got there because we where planning on going to a classy restaurant (and i didnt feel like going in scrubs) so its around 5ish and I get a text message saying...hun dont go straight to my house, im stuck in montello with my dad (montello is like 45min from the dells) helping him out with his buisness, he seemed really upset, and kept sending me messages like i really just want to be with you tonight, its our last night together for awhile and id rather be with you then hear, i offered to pick him up, but he declined saying that he had to help, then i offered to pick up supper so we didnt have to wait for awhile at the restaurant because he told me he wouldn't be home till 7ish. But he declined that as well saying he wanted to treat me.

I waited, and waited and waited for him to text me. He finally said "ill be home around 7, ill text you once i get there, you can drive over while im in the shower and once you get here we can leave." So i said okay. he did text me around 7,i of course did not leave right away, i was playing with my hair, i pretty sure i was on facebook, i didnt end up getting there till around 745, because i had stopped at culvers on my way there to pick up an cookie dough icecream cake that i saw him looking at a couple of days ago (i wanted to surprise him) So i get to his parent's house and his parents are in the living room and his mom starts talking to me, actually she distracts me with this silly question and my back is turned, she then proceeds to say Christian is in the bathroom he'll be right out. So then after i want to say that it has been 2-3min and I feel someone behind me.

I turn around and he's on one knee. He's holding a red box (but he didnt say anything, hes just holding it there, smiling at me--im not going to lie im thinking in my head, why, why arent you proposing to me..i mean come on...christian...just say it...lyssa will you marry me) well he said nothing, so i took the box and opened it. There it was a really ugly gaudy pearl bracelet in the box, i immediately looked at him, stated in a vary harsh tone.

"YOU JERK"

and proceeded to walk away. He then said lyssa...I turn around and I see him reach behind his back (still on one knee) and he pulls out a smaller red box. He then says the following,

"Lyssa Sue Bergstrom, I want to spend the rest of my

life with you, will you marry me?"

He then holds out the ring, I take it and put it on my finger and hug him. His mom then says--Did she say yes? Christian looks at me, and he's like you never did say yes? And then I said Yes! Oh his dad videotapped it, and the loudest thing during it, was me saying YOU JERK, it was priceless. He then boarded the plane the next day, I remember crying for hours. Thinking this might be the last time I will be able to see him. Because, he was leaving for Afghanistan at the end of the summer for deployment.

* End of Part 1 *